It’s pretty normal… until it’s not.
My journey as a Computer Scientist began in high school where I was one of two students to take a CompSci class. I was always keen to explore and challenge myself with new content, and I loved the idea of learning new programming languages. However, the lack of community and support often left me feeling alone in my passion for technology. I knew early on that I wanted more out of a class of two people on a Thursday afternoon.
I must credit my father for teaching me how to be self-motivated, and encouraging me to strive for excellence. I grew my passion from home and learnt almost everything I know about computing from online resources. I realised that I could not rely on teachers or school to get me where I wanted to be in life. I applied to the top 3 universities in the UK for Computer Science, and after countless nights of intense revision and hard work, I left high school with all A’s and a place at the University of St Andrews.
When people say that university is where your life begins — they are correct. It was refreshing to be surrounded by people who shared my vision and passion. I threw myself at every opportunity as every wide-eyed fresher does, and attended as many social events as possible. I met people from all over the world, who had done amazing things and had crazy life goals. Coming from an admittedly sheltered environment, this was a huge change for me. I realised that life was not as simple as it used to be.
I believe I am a resilient person, and I value dedication above everything else. Therefore, it never occurred to me that being a female student was a relevant factor in my pursuit of this career. However, it was during a group project that I realised I was entering a male-dominated industry.
While participating in a student-run hackathon at my university I joined a team of four strangers (all male). We started discussing ideas, assigning roles, and all seemed to be going well. A friend of mine decided to visit and check out our team in action. Ironically, he was the one who pointed out that I was being treated unjustly. It became apparent to him that my opinions were not being heard, and further, I was not being treated as a proper member of the team. I disregarded his observation. I thought that he was looking into it too much and that this type of interaction was normal.
As I continued working, I slowly started realising that I was being pushed out. Every idea I suggested was ignored, every time I would speak up they would pretend not to hear or decide it was not worth discussing. I was not even given a significant role to begin with. They seemed confused by my participation. My mind was filled with doubt and I felt alienated in what was meant to be an inclusive space. I was no longer interested in the project and started becoming more passive. Finally, I could not stand the idea of being disrespected and decided to leave early. I thought it would be better to leave and somehow prove that they were worse off without me.
Sometimes I wonder how I could have missed it. But I did not see myself as any different from the hundreds of people who sit in the labs every day. I excused this behaviour for “They probably didn’t like my idea”, or “It’s just because I’m new”. This ignorance was now broken because I realised that there was more going on than my self-doubts. Even to this day, I question whether the experience I had was truly as bad as I thought. I think that is because I didn’t want to believe how impactful it actually was. Looking back I wish I had not left, and instead communicated my concerns with the team. This would have had a more positive outcome in the long run.
I want other women to realise that this problem is still prevalent in our society. It is the job of fellow men and women to help identify and rectify the prejudice in this industry. Being an active member of WICS (Women in Computer Science) has given me an environment where I feel welcomed. It has also given me many opportunities that will enable me to have a great future without inequality.
